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As a parent, I know how important it is to build a strong, meaningful bond with my kids—it’s something I hold close to my heart. Like many of you, I want to break the cycle of intergenerational patterns and help my kids feel truly seen, appreciated, and deeply loved in ways that genuinely resonate with them. One approach that’s been transformative for me is understanding my children’s unique love languages.
Inspired by Gary Chapman’s “5 Love Languages” (and expanded for kids in The 5 Love Languages of Children), I’ve learned how expressions of love—whether through words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch—can create trust and connection even on the busiest days.
Here’s how I bring these love languages into our daily lives, using ideas from our Family Meeting Guide and simple traditions that anyone can try at home.
Dr. Chapman suggests that each person- and children- has a primary love language—a way they best receive love—and that understanding this can strengthen bonds and even help with behavior challenges. While kids benefit from feeling loved in all five ways, knowing which is most meaningful to them helps you strengthen your bond for years to come.
So what are the 5 love languages and how can they show up in children?
I’ve realized positive words truly light up one of my children—it’s become essential for them. A simple “I’m so proud of you!” or “You did a fantastic job helping your sister today!” has an impact far beyond what I imagined. These words of encouragement help build confidence and shows my child that we see their efforts and strengths.
In our family, we practice this in several ways including:
These small words let each child know they’re appreciated just for being themselves, and it’s become a beautiful part of our family culture.
With the fast pace of the daily hustle, finding quality time can be a challenge. But I’ve come to realize it doesn’t have to be anything grand—sometimes, it’s about those small, consistent moments. On weekends, we might dedicate time to summer activities for kids or plan a cozy movie night and sleepover where everyone gets to spend time together. One of my favorite things is our weekly family meeting, where we share our highs and lows from the week, share stories, play a game and connect. .
These moments remind my children that they’re not only loved but an important part of the family. Whether it’s ten minutes or an hour, the time we spend together in these small ways helps build memories that I know they’ll carry with them.
For one of my kids, a small gift feels like a symbol of love, and I’ve learned that it doesn’t have to be anything elaborate. Sometimes, it’s a small note in their lunchbox or a homemade treat that shows I was thinking of them. Gifts in our family aren’t just things—they’re ways to express love.
When we do crafts or cards, we also make it for each other. These gifts, like a painted rock or a simple card, hold a deeper meaning because they’re made together with love. I encourage parents to view gift-giving as a gesture of connection rather than simply an item. Creating moments that children will remember long after the gift itself is gone. For kids with this preference, stickers and star charts may be valued. Also any gifts they make you- like their artwork- acknowledging their gifts is also very meaningful to them.
Acts of service show care through small gestures, like helping with Legos, planning outfits, or organizing their room together. These gestures help my kids feel supported and teach them to support each other through small acts of kindness.
We encourage acts of kindness (remember our Kindness Challenge!), and at Home Shanti, we talk about empowering each other with gratitude. These acts teach kids that love means supporting each other and building mutual trust. While it is nice to do things for kids, it is important to encourage independence and contribute. (i.e. household tasks, independently getting ready, cleaning after themselves) While knowing that we’ll lend a hand when needed. (this is where the daily/weekly responsibilities chart may be useful from the Family Meeting Guide!)
For some children, a hug, a high-five, or simply holding hands can be a powerful source of comfort. In our family, a warm hug can often turn a difficult moment into one of reassurance. My youngest, especially, thrives on physical affection—it’s her way of feeling safe and loved.
We incorporate physical touch in calming activities, like winding down with bedtime hugs or during family yoga sessions. These gentle moments of connection offer reassurance and love, creating a comforting family environment. For kids who seek out physical touch, simply offering a hug, holding their hand, or sitting close can mean the world.
Dr. Chapman has a son who prefers this love language. “When I came home, he would run to the door, grab my leg, and climb all over me,” he says. If children are constantly in your space, touching you, or playing with your hair, that’s a signal that they need to be touched more, says Laura Markham, PhD, author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids.
Snuggle on the couch, ask your kid if they want to sit on your lap, and offer foot massages and high fives. My own little guy has dubbed holding hands “a hug for my hand.” Dr. Chapman also suggests wrestling and playing sports that require jostling. Experts suggests making a habit of good-morning and good-night hugs, even as kids get older.
Understanding my kids’ love languages has helped us build our family culture. Each individual responds differently, and these expressions of love—whether through words, quality time, small gifts, acts of service, or physical touch—have become part of how we connect on a deeper level. Home Shanti’s resources and ideas have been invaluable, helping us find creative ways to understand each other better and creating a lasting, loving relationship as they grow.
With Home Shanti, our goal is to offer resources that support you as a parent, empowering you to create moments of connection rooted in understanding, respect, and love.
Remember that these small, intentional acts make a world of difference. Let’s embrace our children’s unique love languages and celebrate the journey of building a home where they feel valued and cherished.
If you use the Love Languages worksheet (adapted from Gary Chapman’s book) below- tag us or share with us your experience!
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